Socializing in Kizomba and Media life. Part 1

Part 1. Social Media Life

socializing in kizomba1

This subject is interesting to study, but frankly speaking I have no time for that. I will share only my own experience and my thoughts. Socializing in kizomba is a hot topic and a hot activity. One of 3 main ones (will you guess the other two, by the way? :))


Since I got into the dance scene I started adding a lot of new “dancing friends” into my Facebook list.  My other “normal” friends were a bit shocked by how colorful my FB page was becoming… Literally colorful, I should say! And asking me questions trying to understand my new exotic hobby. Because it IS exotic. Now I have half of Africa and Caribbeans in my Social Media. Even more black then white.

Sometimes people ask me “Why “”? And I reply “But look at the dance floor! That’s why!”

Therefore, to avoid unnecessary explanations to my relatives I realized I had to set some restrictions in my account. I created a closed group “Kizomba” and now all my dancing contacts, activities, likes, tags, photos, etc.. remain private. No more questions from my mom: “Are you in Paris with 5 black man???” (lol). Although we live an the 21st century, we travel abroad, we are open-minded, but still…

My FB and Instagram accounts

Also, I hided my general friends’ list that no one could see it and no one could know how many friends in total I have. That was the best thing I’ve ever done in Social Media. It’s not possible to do the same thing in Instagram. That’s why I simply have two accounts – my personal one and professional – “Kizomba Blog”. The second one is opened. Anyone can follow me. And my dancing life. The personal one is only for my real friends, or at least for people I know well, or people whom I give a chance to get to know me better. But I never, NEVER, accept anyone I do not know personally neither in my Facebook nor in my Instagram accounts.

Yes, I want to spread a word about my blog, I want to make it the most popular Kizomba Blog in the world! (my blog is just an example, for you it could be your teaching or your DJ label). But I still separate my socializing in kizomba with my private photos, news and events. I can seem very open, talkative and easy-going, but not to the point of absolutely loosing control. Although I can tell you almost all my life in the first 5 minutes we get to know each other, and my honesty and openness may result shocking and scaring… But I’m still being pretty careful online.


There is something else I did. I unfollowed in Facebook almost everyone. I am so tired of endless advertisements and demos, and being tagged on every publication hundred of times, especially of the same event! I’m sure it happens to you too. It’s annoying. And it’s boring to see the same Lady Styling videos that don’t differ one from another at all. The music and decorations change, but it’s always the same bunda moving in the same directions. Even if it’s the most beautiful and sexy bunda in the world, it’s still all about the same.. And when you watch it for 3 years every few days, believe me, you get tired of it.

I apologize in advance for my opinion, considering it’s a kind of Art anyway, and maybe a hard work and an effort. It’s always appreciated when people are brave enough to express themselves through writing, dancing, painting or whatever form of art they prefer.

I also understand that Facebook is a very important strategical promotional tool, which cannot be ignored if you are trying to gain audience. I use it as well for promoting my blog.


And still, I would advise you, guys, to try to be a bit more creative!  I would post less videos, but making them as much particular as possible. Otherwise my eyes hurt. I don’t see the point of sharing every  single dance from every festival just to gain some more scores. I think you might have an opposite effect and repel people from yourself instead of attracting attention. They will unfollow you too if you convert their FB-wall into a rubbish bit. So, please, think twice, better three times, before you post one more video and tag 100 people on it.

PS: I do it with my posts)))  and, let’s be honest, it’s like a non-verbal game. If I support someone’s event, they would support (like, share, re-post) mine. Business, in one word. So, I don’t actually know if they really sincerely like my writing or put their “likes” just to tag me on their next publication and get my “like” and comments in return. 


At the moment the overall situation is 80/20, meaning about 80% belong to my Kizomba friends and the rest 20% are my “normal” ones, which clearly demonstrates and proves how important this dance became in my life.

Nevertheless, some people enter, but some also leave… my accounts. They leave themselves or I kick them out. As in real socializing in kizomba we get attached, get emotional and vulnerable, as soon as it goes wrong (arguments, etc…), the first thing to do is to block this person in Facebook and unfollow him in Instagram. This is funny, because we still see each other on the dance floor. So, you will ask me “Why to block then?” In fact we cannot totally disappear from each other’s lives. Unless we stop dancing at all.

Well, the reasons can be that stupid like “he won’t know to which festival I’m going to” or “he won’t be able to text me (reach me) any more whenever he wants”. Actually, he won’t know many things. Because in Facebook it’s very easy to understand our preferences. It’s an incredibly (although not-trusted) database, from where you can jump into all kinds of conclusions. If you have good observation skills, you can chase some tendencies.

For example

I had a friend, who “liked” every photo of a new girl he was interested in. It lasted just the period he was having an affair with her. As soon as he got over-saturated by her, he stopped “liking” anything on her page. So, we could always know who is occupying his thoughts and his bed at the moment. That simple.

The same happens with girls who support by sharing and “liking” every festival of the organizer she sleeps with (or her official Boyfriend), or every new track of a DJ she sleeps with. And all this strong promotion campaign finishes when they break up. Thus you can already suspect they are not together any more just being a bit more attentive on Facebook. Or vice versa.

In my personal case I had both experiences: I blocked, and I was blocked. I did it when I was very angry with someone, but I always regretted it afterwards. And once even added back jaja, when my anger was over. It’s not in my nature to be that tough. Those who blocked me it’s because I pissed them off. And I know why. I understand them, but I believe and really hope I’m still in their hearts.

A favor

Dear followers, I would like to ask you a favor: sometimes you read my articles and get curious about me, finding my social media accounts and sending me your friend’s requests. Please don’t! I am really sorry, but until we meet in person I cannot accept your requests.

Dear “friends”, please don’t be surprised when I directly delete you from my Facebook. It’s definitely because in the last 10 times that we met you didn’t even say “hello” to me. So, I find it logical. My Facebook platform is for those with who I communicate at least somehow in my real life.

Dear real Friends, please don’t get mad at me if I delete or block you. It’s the love-hate thing, most probably because I’m too indifferent towards you.


Socializing in kizomba. Networking. Part 2

To be continued…



Kizomba connection vs Molecular World


There is something I learned in all these years of dancing. Thanks to dancing. Something important about the kizomba connection. I also learned to hear myself, to be conscious of what I feel and how I feel.


  • People I accept

There are people whose energies my body does not accept. It never will. I stopped fighting myself to try to adjust to such people, to look for the way to get to them, to understand them. Now I just accept the fact that we are simply incompatible with me, like butter and water, and I feel better, because I realized that It’s not possible to have true good relationship with absolutely everybody, because I can’t go against my nature.

  • People I don’t accept

On the contrary, people I accept, I do it no matter what they say or do. We don’t need ages to get close. We already ARE close. I have also been observing how we are all connected to each other on the dance scene, who gets on well with whom, who makes friends with whom..   And I noticed some certain patterns: we get attracted by similar types of energy, as in a molecular world with positively and negatively charged ions. We get attracted or refused by smell.


The kizomba dance increased in a hundredfold my sensitivity and perception of people at some subcutaneous level. It’s like superpower, as the sensory abilities that we develop through constant physical contact with a huge number of people, as if in a few seconds I can read information from the energy field of people, which allows me to realize whether their ions match with mine or not.

In the ordinary world, we also feel and understand this, but in kizomba it is much more noticeable, and perception is much sharper. And I’ll tell you why.


During the dance we sweat. Each of us emits a certain natural smell of our body. With close physical contact, these smells at subconscious level give signals to the brain. This forms an unmistakable acceptance or rejection of one or another person. Pheromones that rule the ball will determine what we call a “kizomba connection”. In the ordinary world they do not attack us on the go. Some time passes before we allow physical contact, but on the dance floor we save ourselves this time. Therefore, in the first dance with a stranger, we sometimes get an offer to go to bed. This is not surprising.


  • Hormones

To understand what pheromones are, you can remember about hormones. Hormones are chemicals that seem to bind the whole organism into one whole, providing a quick exchange of information between its parts. Pheromones play the same role. Only their task is to connect individuals belonging to the same species of animals to couples or communities. The “chemical” communication of humans involve some special substances.

  • Control

Throughout the development of human communities, we do everything to suppress the instinctive reactions of people to smells, so that we could better control ourselves, control our animal instincts. In kizomba, it is very difficult to do so because of a close physical contact.

Although our sense of smell is weak when we compare it to the smell of many animals, the smell from our bodies is stronger than in animals. Many women find the smell of a man pleasant, if they are attracted to him, and unbearable if a man does not like them.

  • Information

In addition to the pheromone cocktail, body smell carries a lot of other information, which also enhances or weakens the response to pheromones. For example, if we give a mice a wide range of partners for mating, it prefers those whose genotype was the most different from their own. It is possible that similar unconscious selectivity exists in humans: the limb system processes the information carried by the smell, and decides whether to open the path to passions.

  • Signals

Pheromones are honest signals. You can hide the true feelings by changing your facial expression. You can hide the true thoughts, uttering insincere words, but it’s very difficult to change the smells that spread our body. Sebaceous glands, sweat glands, glands of the genital organs work continuously, sending information about the state of our desires to the environment. Pheromones, awakening various behavioral (instinctive) and physiological reactions, manage the complex process of rapprochement.


This is the “molecular world” what I mentioned above. The dance scene is an excellent example of an instinctive animal world. In creativity we are closer to nature. We are natural in understanding and expressing ourselves. But our kizomba connection is determined. And we can do nothing about it. Go dance!!! This is a great way of self-discovery!


** Some information taken from




















I first learned about Tantra when I was 12. My neighbor next door did tantra practices, which made me very curious about the subject. I knew it was related somehow to sex, although not exactly. It sounded mysterious to my young inexperienced mind,  so asking myself lots of questions it stuck in my memory till I discovered kizomba dance. That´s when I realized “It sounds familiar to me… hmm… Tantra?”

Once my neighbor told me: “It’s when you can have orgasm without even touching each other


The original concept of Tantra comes from Sanskrit तन्त्र, which literally means “continuity”, “connection”, “thread”. Tantra is an art of interaction on different levels: body, energy and consciousness. It is a conscious work with energies – internal and external.

The basis of Tantra is the classical Indian dance. Hindu dancers know all of the energy channels that are included under a certain position, their interaction with the partner, the flow of energy throughout the body. This dance, for the most part, is purely improvisational, activates the chakras, and the harmony of this depends on the skill of the dancer. Ancient and modern Taoists call this process the interaction of Yin and Yang.

It gives a greater degree of intimacy, adjustment to each other and mutual understanding, the ability to listen and hear each other, a new way of communication.

This is a practice for those who want to study emotions at a deeper level, to communicate with oneself and with a partner. Working with energy throughout the body is one of the most important components of this path. It presents the techniques of breathing and self-regulation, active mental and motor practice.


   Sacral, spontaneous, energy dance! It does not matter what movements we do, the main thing here is the awareness of the process, the process of creation, the creation of space. The tantric principle expressed as the interaction of two universal opposite principles, who are in their essence, as one.

Tantric dance is a meditative exercise for freeing the soul, increasing vitality, preparing the mind for the state of deep trance and the way to make the body more mobile. Tantric Dance helps to bring emotional balance, joy & well-being into daily life, relieve you of internal stress, raise the energy of kundalini; relieve tension in the genital area, which positively affects sexual relations; awaken spiritual forces, creativity & eroticism, the ability to feel energy within oneself, etc…


   Does anything sounds like KIZOMBA to you??

Since I dance kizomba I’ve always been comparing it to Tantra in my mind… But obviously we, kizomba dancers, don’t know anything  about chakras, energy channels, how to activate anything, etc… (well, I know because I have studied it, but a normal person doesn’t). We don’t know, but we FEEL!!! We just DANCE and FEEL… This is the unconscious knowledge that drives us to dance more with one partner or another.

Men could wonder why I dance sometimes so closely.     Does this mean I “invite” them for more?   Is it the “Green Light“?    Am I a dissatisfied woman looking for some warmth and affection?

You know what?  Some people don’t need to be that close to feel the energy of a partner. It’s like in Reiki: I can physically apply my hands on your body, or I can just keep them over the body at a short distance – the effect is the same. But some people don’t mind me touching them; they even ask for it in order to feel better the energy flow, because they simply enjoy physical contact. While others prefer to avoid it. We are all different! What one likes and considers “normal”, “acceptable”, “decent” – someone else considers as “too much”, “extravagant” or “vulgar”. Each person has his own ideas about the same thing, and they may not and need not to coincide with the opinion of another.


How many times I’ve heard from some girlfriend “Oh he’s an AMAZING dancer!!!”, then I danced with him and was disappointed, because I didn’t feel half of what my friend told me. Each of us attracts certain type of energies. This is for sure.

Importance of the body contact

I like to be touched. I like going to the hairdresser and having my hair washed…uumm yummi!!! I like visiting Beauty Centers and having treatments for my face and body, applying all kinds of scrubs & masks. I Love all types of massages. Even just when my back is scrached:))

Obviously, I don’t let everyone to get that close in a dance, but for me personally it’s difficult to understand the leading from a partner when he is too far from me. I lose control of my body. I need to have more body contact. There are really few dancers able to lead so well that they can stand quite far and I will understand what exactly they want from me. To me they are the best dancers ever!!! (no names here LOL).  But the rest is for “douceur”! In other words, for Tantra!

So, is it so bad to enjoy the way a partner makes waves with his belly? For me it´s magical!!! For me sometimes a dance is better than sex.


What really makes me wonder, is the emotional part, that is different from Tantra. Unfortunately this part is very poor in Kizomba. There’s no deep emotional connection. Inspite all its intimacy, sometimes there’s no emotional connection at all in kizomba… Should I think it’s because we haven’t gone far from animals?   And,  given expriences of some friends,  even when it comes to sex, there’s nothing else but physical part. It still surprises me a lot.

the WHY

Thinking of WHY…   Too much choice? Too easy? Too much diversity? Too much rotation?  Does it make us less sensitive? Don´t we have time to dive deeper? Are we scared to make it right? Scared to GIVE? To TRUST? To GO FURTHER? Or we just DON’T CARE?

All these contradictions, the paradox of such a strong connection in the dance and such a poor connection in sex, are still issues to be analyzed… We still have a long way to perfection and true feelings.

But this article is written to make you think about it, to be more conscious of our bodies, and especially, not to separate them from our souls!