A hug. Now I know why I dance

“It’s been a long time…”. Yes. That’s what people told me tonight when they saw me entering the door.

Break

After all my motivating enthusiastic articles about how much I am in to kizomba, not needing any break, here I am! With the biggest break of my life. And not only the dance break. It was also somehow a life break. Not intentionally, not planned, not wanted, but I stopped dancing in summer, let’s just say for some real life circumstances.

Since the day I deleted all my dancing contacts and sent my FB account to the rubbish bin (sorry guys, I also had an article on that, how I was managing my social media. You won’t believe a word of what I’m saying in the end), I could feel it was the end. Of my kizomba story. I could feel even on a physical level like someone was cutting of my hand or my leg, with blood all around, and horrible pain, squeezing my teeth, trying not to stop breathing at all.

I thought I would never overcome that pain. It felt like my whole life was over.

Frankly speaking, the first few weeks tasted bitter, to say the least. But I had to move on…

And I did. Although kizomba stayed there deep in my heart. I was thinking about it, remembering everything I’d lived for the last 4 years. It looked crazy and unbelievable. Unforgettable memories of travelling the world, uncountable number of new people, and much more . You all know what I mean.

Change

But each time it was less and less… less kizomba in the car, in the shower, less contact with dancing friends, less or (I would rather say) zero festival plans. It was vanishing from my life. Each time I was getting better in terms of bearing my pain, getting used to my new life (the “normal” one I guess, like 99% of people on this planet). I was filling the empty gaps with other activities, thoughts and topics.

I overcome it.

I won.

I got rid of my drug.

I could do without it.

I never had believed I would be able to.

Nostalgia

Today I was feeling so down and tired, empty and totally out of energy, that I was about to shot myself if I wouldn’t come with a plan. And, accidentally I realized today it was Tuesday! That very day, when it all started 4 years ago. Moreover, today there was a small local party in that very place where it all started for me 4 years ago.

Suddenly I recharged myself like an iPhone, after a cup of espresso, updating my makeup and looking for my dancing shoes all around the house. I was going to dance!

It felt so strange to drive the way I did so many times in the past. I never drove the same itinerary ever again since then. Can’t even remember when I last went there. Ages. This bar is located in the part of the city where I never go for other things. Thus dancing is my only association with this area.

The place

I parked quickly, remembering my old tricks of getting good free spots. I walked in already in a nostalgic mood… Full house!! OMG! What are all those people doing so late on Tuesday evening!? Don’t they work tomorrow? (Applied to myself too)

I knew half of the crowd. To my surprise I was even lucky with the Dj. Booom… Stefanio Lima! What is he doing here on Tuesday night? Well, he is a… like all of them. I’m angry with him for our never-approved interview, but I still love him (appreciate him) for his music. TOP!

It took me a while to get used to the environment, standing a bit lost, feeling half “retired”/half “beginner”. I remembered my first steps in that very floor… and I got sentimentally sad, but happy at the same time.It was still there – this place – where I can always come. Come on the days like this: feeling down, frustrated, upset, bored, tired or stressed.

Hug

When I started dancing I clearly realized- I just needed a hug.

I wanted to be hugged so much, that it didn’t matter weather it was a man or a woman, young or old, black or white. I just wanted to feel that warmth, somebody’s arms around my waist and breath in my ear. You can feel how your body is recharging with this energy through the hug.

Now I know why I dance. I run away from my inner loneliness to hugs. They definitely won’t solve my problems, they won’t save me, but they help like honey at winter time.

Merry Christmas guys!

Here you can find different types of hugs: https://www.littlethings.com/hug-relationship-test

Big big HUG

Kizomba in Portugal. My 1st dancing experience

Kizomba in Portugal (my personal perception of a 1 time experience)

This was my first dancing trip to Lisbon to discover how kizomba in Portugal is. I have been to this beautiful country before, but I didn’t dance kizomba at that time, and, you know, you see it with different eyes then and put your accents on a different place.

I´ve been always told that I wouldn´t dance well here, because it´s almost all traditional, and, you know, I´m an Urban dancer. I imagined it wouldn´t be that great, but still wouldn’t miss a chance to dance if I ever come here. So, on Friday morning, few hours before taking my flight, I put all my duties aside and jumped into the Facebook jungle to search for any kizomba party taking place in is on this weekend. Obviously I found some. Later, on Saturday morning, at the Kaizen dance workshop with Kwenda Lima, I re-confirmed information and took some advise on which was the best place to go.

1st NIGHT

And the winner was the View Rooftop bar party! Sounded at least beautiful! And it was!! Although absolutely not what I had thought. It was happening in the evening time, finishing at 11 pm, which is the earliest kizomba party I´ve ever attended. To compare with, in Luxembourg evening parties finish at 1 am. But here in Portugal, it gets darker earlier. At 9 it’s already dark at summer time.

I was quite relaxed by the party time. After having cried out all my dirty stuff teas at Kwenda´s studio, having bathed in the Atlantic frozen ocean, and having drunk a couple of sangrias at +42 C (lucky with the weather, what can I say! Lol)), I was already in my ZEN mode…

THE MUSIC

I loved it. This is the kizomba I really like- Ghetto zouk. Songs that have some meaning, some story, some feeling… Of course, there was traditional as well, but not only. And the mix was nice. I was actually signing all the time, because I knew and loved all of them. Pretty old playlist, but let´s say “popular hits”. My portugués partners were signing with me jajaj. They thought I spoke portugués too lol.

THE DANCE

So much criticizing “Europe” (by Europe I mean mainly France and Benelux) for the sexualization of kizomba.. Hmmm.. I believed it was very decent in Portugal.

The first dancer I take is a well-built and well-smelling black man. He pulls me in with a terrible force and I can feel his “thing” horizontally lying on my belly!!! I´m not shocked, but still… I remark. We move in a very sensual way (just the way I like) – two waving bodies in unison, making soft curves. In 5 minutes I´m asked in portugués “Where is your hotel?” (I don´t speak it, but I understand!). I say “No”. Next question “Where is your apartment?”. I say “No” again, and he´s curious where I stay then!?? I say “NO SEX!!!!” This I guess in all languages sound the same))) The guy is sincerely surprised by my answer. And me, I am finally convinced that the sexualization doesn’t depend on the country, on the type of music or anything else. It’s all across the world atlas, music genres, ages, etc…

 

2nd NIGHT

“B-Leza” – one of the top places for dancing kizomba in Portugal. I was recommended it. And besides there was a party on Saturday evening everyone was going to. The guys from the View Roof party too. Besides it was 10 minutes walk from my hotel. All matches. I was looking forward to discover it, to get more experiences, emotions and as much information as possible for my blog.

First impression

When I entered I got really confused.The atmosphere was different from the parties I’m used to. I don’t even know how to describe it with words. But it was not the matter of not knowing anyone. Sometimes I went to parties in Spain, for example, where I knew nobody neither. But here it was a different feeling. Uncomfortable. All men were watching me… I felt myself like a peace of meat. I started to look around and realized that there were almost no white ladies. Very few, and they all were under 45-50 years old. That made me feel weird. Moreover, they were not classy. Neither men nor women.

The place

The place and the atmosphere reminded me the 80-x, something like my first social dance parties in a small park of the village where my grand-mother lived, and I wouldn’t lie if I say that I even got a bit scared.

There was was no air-conditioner… +43 С.

I tried to dance as much as possible, but the music was rather strange. I don’t even know what kind of genre some of the sets were… I’ve never heard anything similar in my life, and I didn’t know how to dance to it. Nevertheless, at times of the traditional and a bit of Ghetto zouk I couldn’t dance well. I didn’t like any. And it’s not because I’m a bad traditional dancer, no. It’s because the partners were rather bad.

I can recognize that I almost have no skills in Traditional, but I know when guys dance it well. That was not the case. I think most of them never had one workshop in their life. I was disappointed… in the overall situation.

Until I saw one guy dancing. He was that urban french style. I was watching him dance and thinking “What are you doing here?”. Definitely, he didn’t learn to dance kizomba in Portugal. He was from Paris, as I discovered 15 minutes later dancing with him.

He saved my night.

 

CONCLUSION

Maybe it’s because i’m not used to dance kizomba in Portugal, maybe it depends on each party, or a day, or a Deejay. I don’t know, but the general impression is that it’s a bit “old-fashioned”, and a kind of… boring. I still prefer dancing in France and Benelux.

Socializing in Kizomba and Media life. Part 1

Part 1. Social Media Life

socializing in kizomba1

This subject is interesting to study, but frankly speaking I have no time for that. I will share only my own experience and my thoughts. Socializing in kizomba is a hot topic and a hot activity. One of 3 main ones (will you guess the other two, by the way? :))

Restricted

Since I got into the dance scene I started adding a lot of new “dancing friends” into my Facebook list.  My other “normal” friends were a bit shocked by how colorful my FB page was becoming… Literally colorful, I should say! And asking me questions trying to understand my new exotic hobby. Because it IS exotic. Now I have half of Africa and Caribbeans in my Social Media. Even more black then white.

Sometimes people ask me “Why “BLackkizomba.com”? And I reply “But look at the dance floor! That’s why!”

Therefore, to avoid unnecessary explanations to my relatives I realized I had to set some restrictions in my account. I created a closed group “Kizomba” and now all my dancing contacts, activities, likes, tags, photos, etc.. remain private. No more questions from my mom: “Are you in Paris with 5 black man???” (lol). Although we live an the 21st century, we travel abroad, we are open-minded, but still…

My FB and Instagram accounts

Also, I hided my general friends’ list that no one could see it and no one could know how many friends in total I have. That was the best thing I’ve ever done in Social Media. It’s not possible to do the same thing in Instagram. That’s why I simply have two accounts – my personal one and professional – “Kizomba Blog”. The second one is opened. Anyone can follow me. And my dancing life. The personal one is only for my real friends, or at least for people I know well, or people whom I give a chance to get to know me better. But I never, NEVER, accept anyone I do not know personally neither in my Facebook nor in my Instagram accounts.

Yes, I want to spread a word about my blog, I want to make it the most popular Kizomba Blog in the world! (my blog is just an example, for you it could be your teaching or your DJ label). But I still separate my socializing in kizomba with my private photos, news and events. I can seem very open, talkative and easy-going, but not to the point of absolutely loosing control. Although I can tell you almost all my life in the first 5 minutes we get to know each other, and my honesty and openness may result shocking and scaring… But I’m still being pretty careful online.

Unfollowed

There is something else I did. I unfollowed in Facebook almost everyone. I am so tired of endless advertisements and demos, and being tagged on every publication hundred of times, especially of the same event! I’m sure it happens to you too. It’s annoying. And it’s boring to see the same Lady Styling videos that don’t differ one from another at all. The music and decorations change, but it’s always the same bunda moving in the same directions. Even if it’s the most beautiful and sexy bunda in the world, it’s still all about the same.. And when you watch it for 3 years every few days, believe me, you get tired of it.

I apologize in advance for my opinion, considering it’s a kind of Art anyway, and maybe a hard work and an effort. It’s always appreciated when people are brave enough to express themselves through writing, dancing, painting or whatever form of art they prefer.

I also understand that Facebook is a very important strategical promotional tool, which cannot be ignored if you are trying to gain audience. I use it as well for promoting my blog.

Advice:

And still, I would advise you, guys, to try to be a bit more creative!  I would post less videos, but making them as much particular as possible. Otherwise my eyes hurt. I don’t see the point of sharing every  single dance from every festival just to gain some more scores. I think you might have an opposite effect and repel people from yourself instead of attracting attention. They will unfollow you too if you convert their FB-wall into a rubbish bit. So, please, think twice, better three times, before you post one more video and tag 100 people on it.

PS: I do it with my posts)))  and, let’s be honest, it’s like a non-verbal game. If I support someone’s event, they would support (like, share, re-post) mine. Business, in one word. So, I don’t actually know if they really sincerely like my writing or put their “likes” just to tag me on their next publication and get my “like” and comments in return. 

Blocked

At the moment the overall situation is 80/20, meaning about 80% belong to my Kizomba friends and the rest 20% are my “normal” ones, which clearly demonstrates and proves how important this dance became in my life.

Nevertheless, some people enter, but some also leave… my accounts. They leave themselves or I kick them out. As in real socializing in kizomba we get attached, get emotional and vulnerable, as soon as it goes wrong (arguments, etc…), the first thing to do is to block this person in Facebook and unfollow him in Instagram. This is funny, because we still see each other on the dance floor. So, you will ask me “Why to block then?” In fact we cannot totally disappear from each other’s lives. Unless we stop dancing at all.

Well, the reasons can be that stupid like “he won’t know to which festival I’m going to” or “he won’t be able to text me (reach me) any more whenever he wants”. Actually, he won’t know many things. Because in Facebook it’s very easy to understand our preferences. It’s an incredibly (although not-trusted) database, from where you can jump into all kinds of conclusions. If you have good observation skills, you can chase some tendencies.

For example

I had a friend, who “liked” every photo of a new girl he was interested in. It lasted just the period he was having an affair with her. As soon as he got over-saturated by her, he stopped “liking” anything on her page. So, we could always know who is occupying his thoughts and his bed at the moment. That simple.

The same happens with girls who support by sharing and “liking” every festival of the organizer she sleeps with (or her official Boyfriend), or every new track of a DJ she sleeps with. And all this strong promotion campaign finishes when they break up. Thus you can already suspect they are not together any more just being a bit more attentive on Facebook. Or vice versa.

In my personal case I had both experiences: I blocked, and I was blocked. I did it when I was very angry with someone, but I always regretted it afterwards. And once even added back jaja, when my anger was over. It’s not in my nature to be that tough. Those who blocked me it’s because I pissed them off. And I know why. I understand them, but I believe and really hope I’m still in their hearts.

A favor

Dear followers, I would like to ask you a favor: sometimes you read my articles and get curious about me, finding my social media accounts and sending me your friend’s requests. Please don’t! I am really sorry, but until we meet in person I cannot accept your requests.

Dear “friends”, please don’t be surprised when I directly delete you from my Facebook. It’s definitely because in the last 10 times that we met you didn’t even say “hello” to me. So, I find it logical. My Facebook platform is for those with who I communicate at least somehow in my real life.

Dear real Friends, please don’t get mad at me if I delete or block you. It’s the love-hate thing, most probably because I’m too indifferent towards you.

 

Socializing in kizomba. Networking. Part 2

To be continued…

 

 

Sex in kizomba. Don’t we have enough?

Sex in kizomba or… harassment

In the light of the last days discussions about the harassment in kizomba I’ve been wondering why someone would rape a girl when it’s so easy to get one? The information on Facebook is in French, and many people want to know what exactly happened this weekend at Dancar Kizomba Festival, but those who don’t speak French cannot be translating every post and comment. This is not to re-tell you the last case! This is to generalize and make my own conclusions. In short.  I’m sure some of you have been in that situation of abuse. We just don’t talk about it. It’s so easy to get sex in kizomba like nowhere else, and yet, cases like in Mons still happen.

There have been so many opinions on this topic that, frankly speaking, it made me sick. But I’m glad that the discussions are opened. I’ve heard more stories before, with names and in every detail. The stories that didn’t show up publicly in Social Media.

I don’t take anyone’s side here!

Although I am a woman, and once upon a time I was raped too. So, I know very well what is the feeling… The emotional obviously much worse than the physical one. But nevertheless each case is different.  Probably in the next days more cases will pop up, will be brought to the surface and this is really good! This will make us think it over – both men and women.

Men:

Maybe from now on will be more careful and will control their actions because of the fear to loose reputation. As you see, girls can be brave and go public, and even to the Police. So, next time some famous artist decides to have sex in kizomba without taking into consideration girl’s wishes, he will think it twice before forcing her. Because women are not peace of meat. You cannot just take her whenever and however.

Maybe next time, on the view of the mentioned above scandals, it will be more expensive for him to get into shit just because he’s lazy to find the right approach to a girl, so she would open up herself.

Ladies:

Maybe next time you are invited to a hotel room of an unknown person you will think twice before saying “yes”, because now you know what can happen. Maybe you will be more discrete in the way you talk and the way you dress up (that also helps). I’m not saying I’m a nun here. I like sexy short dresses and red lips too. But sometimes I observe some girls and I get shocked how they present themselves. Almost naked. And their behaviors sometimes are embarrassing… But they don’t see it. They don’t see an non-verbal sign on their fronts “Take me!”.

Ladies, please look at yourself in the mirror before you leave your place, and before you get drunk. Ask yourself:  “Is it too provocative? Is it this the body message I want to send out? Does it match with the way I feel and the way I think? And with what I’m looking for?” m

Me, myself and I still have a room for improvement, but at least I’m conscious about that.

I have a post about pre-parties and after-parties in kizomba. Read it again, learn what the after-party is usually about. If you are not ready for more, just be careful to avoid uncomfortable or even dangerous situations.

PS: And, yes, men, no matter the way a woman dresses up, or behaves, or no matter how much she is drunk, or timid, or how much she likes you, if she is not ready to have sex with you, this is NO. Find the way her to say “yes”, a decent way. The tricks like “I know you want it too” are so cheap and asshole-minded! Don’t you have enough girls who are so hung on your neck and offer themselves? And even those you want to fuck and they will never refuse you? This becomes absolute lawlessness and degradation.

Watch out!

Let’s have sex in kizomba, not harassment!

It’s healthier, it’s fun. And it doesn’t spoil the reputation of the dance itself.

We are here to enjoy ourselves. Mutually.

 

Kizomba Local Parties or Dancing Where You Live

I won’t be the only one to say that dancing kizomba in the country I live in is not so much fun. At least in Europe. There’s a tendency not to dance with people from your own country. Our local guys hardly ever invite us for a regular dance, let alone Kizomba. Yes, of course they do dance, but mostly with girls who don’t travel that much around the world for international festivals and Kizomba parties. Let’s say, with “not spoiled”-by-high-level-dancers girls. Here they can manifest themselves in full glory, like lions – the kings of beasts.

I actually don’t find a good explanation to that, but according to my observation and the general statistics you never dance as well and as good in your own country (city) as somewhere else. In my case, comparing with other places in Europe, we have a good level. I should be lucky! LOL. But, to tell the truth, I dance well here only when we have guests from outside (I mean, when we invite some taxi dancers from abroad). Otherwise it just makes no sense to go out. I would be able to stay all night with shisha to somehow entertain myself to not fall asleep.

I’ve heard the same story many times from my friends from Berlin, Amsterdam and Paris. Yes, Paris is the same. Although it’s so big, powerful and diverse, men in Paris don’t like dancing with Parisian girls. They prefer foreigners. So, if you ever think moving to Paris hoping that you will endlessly dance there, please don’t!!! You won’t. You will become “local” and they will get bored and lose their interest inviting you all the time. Less people you know – more dancers and enjoyment you have! Go as far as possible, and not often. Control the frequency. This is the secret of ensuring yourself a non-stop Kizomba party.

In my country not-dancing is not the only issue. They also don’t greet you! I mean what I say: they don’t say “Hello”. Only if they bump into you, step into your feet, then they have no choice. Otherwise most of the times they ignore you. Even if one day you were learning to dance together, in the same class, standing in the same line, making our first basic steps.

In the end, you don’t care.

The last local Kizomba party, I went to, was a lost of time for me. Among other things, like no air-conditioning at +30 C, because of the attitude. The attitude of its organizers: cold, indifferent, selfish and arrogant. I think an organizer must treat people who come to his party the same way he invites guests to his house. Everybody! Not only those he has personal preferences to. And obviously he must be there, dancing and making sure everyone is dancing & having good time, instead of sitting in the VIP zone or dressing room, drinking champagne with his bros. Be there! Out!! Invite people who made their way and spent their money to dance Kizomba. Treat them equally with respect and gratitude.

I would have never written this post if it was a one-time case (it happens, a bad night). But it’s been like that for a long time. And I am fully supported by my girlfriends, who feel the same way I do and who absolutely agree with me.

If you are my follower, you know that I try to be always positive and write only about nice things. But sometimes I think it’s also important to share with you my frustration, to be completely honest. This will not change the situation in my country or anywhere else, and especially will not improve the local Kizomba dancers’ attitude towards me jajaja.  But it’s all about expressing myself and telling you things, that many of you know but don’t say it out loud. That’s what makes difference in my blog: purely honest independent content.

Kizomba Dance and Woman´s Lead

For sure you saw many times on the dance floor girls leading men.. and this also applies to the Kizomba Dance. If you are a girl, you have probably danced at least once with another girl.

There are many more women in kizomba, it’s true. But is the ratio the only reason why we dance for men? 

I interviewed plenty of girls from different countries (some of them are professional dancers, artists and teachers), asking them what is the feeling dancing with a girl and what’s the difference with the man’s lead, if they would like to learn man’s steps and Why ?

What you are going to read maybe very interesting and even result surprising to discover what in fact motivates women to lead themselves or to follow woman’s lead.

 

Mila P: Not usual, strange. With a man you feel yourself more self-confident, you assume he knows the steps and you feel more relaxed. With a girl I’m all the time scared to step on her foot. It’s not the same.

Yes, I’d love to dance for a man to see how difficult it is, to compare. Maybe it would help me to improve my girls’ dancing.

 

Vanessa N.: To me personally there’s no difference when I dance for a man. If you have a good connection it’s a connection . It’s not exactly the same connection. You are more concentrated, you can’t let it go, but the feeling is the same as good. It’s simply fun.

When you lead as a man you have another approach. Even if you dance afterwards with a man you have less problems to follow.

I learned men steps because I wanted to experience a new thing in the kizomba dance, to go to another level. And because of the lack of guys in the kizomba world as well. And I did it when I started taxi dancing…

 

Sabrina: I only danced maybe 4 times with a woman. Mostly I feel they are too soft and weak and therefore I don’t like the feeling so much. Maybe also because their energy is still very female. Only one woman was really tall and strong, and it was actually better for that particular kizomba dance.

I could imagine learning it to generally improve my dancing skills and to be more independent, but so far I don’t enjoy the feeling of leading so much.

 

Trecy G: Well, doing like a man, when I dance I enjoy doing my own steps, to be free, to play with the music (musicality). Dancing with a girl on woman side is very fun because some ladies lead even better than men and sometimes have better musicality! There’s no difference for me to dance with a man or a woman.

I decided to learn men steps because I was curious to know how to lead and also because I started to teach. And for me it is important to know what my partner does so I could answer to the questions of our students. And also, it’s important while teaching when my partner is not there.

 

Mona C: The feeling when I dance kizomba with a girl is…. concentrated, relaxing and having fun 😄. The difference with a man is that I have to think twice what my next step will be. When I dance with a man and I have the connection.. it feels like I’m somewhere that nobody is watching.

Yes, I would like to learn man’s lead because sometimes I like to lead and play with the music my way… so the girl has to follow me 😅

 

Erna T:  For me it’s still a little bit strange feeling to dance with a girl because, of course, I dance more with men. It feels also good with a girl, but the connection with a man is better, I think.

Woman’s lead is softer for me. I also think that girls have better musicality than men. Another difference between both is that I know that the girls want just to dance, so it is only about dancing and sharing the same passion. With a man ( of course not all of them) you don’t know if they just want to dance or to prepare you for a private after-party dance 😂
Surely, the connection between men and women is completely different. I would say that I feel more secure with a man.

Yes I would like to learn the man’s steps to see how it is for them to lead and also to let the girls feel my musicality during the dance. But I think it is not easy to learn it 😂

 

Chiara G: The feeling with a girl is the same but, I can control movements and I can explain to my beginner students how to control and how to move the hip and back like a professional dancer, because they have to know what the girl has to feel when they’re doing the movement. Of course, I prefer to dance with a man, but if a man dances like a robot or like a stone, I prefer to dance with a girl because i can control what she is doing and take a good dance with.

Kizomba dance is not sexual and not a perverse joke, this is a normal dance like salsa or other dances, so you can of course dance with a man and with a woman. I don’t think I’ll stop dancing for a man if the situation requires. I mean if there are more women than men and a lot of girls are waiting for a dance. But this is another problem…  The big difference between the number of women and men is affecting the woman dancer’s role, so lately we have more and more women partners on the kizomba scene.

 

Hannah F: Dancing with a girl always depends on the girl you’re dancing with but basically the difference is that you have the freedom to interpret the music your own way, with your musicality. As a follower ( only followed with girls on a few occasions) the leading is usually softer, and we’re more about enjoying the moment and trying new stuff. No back breaking, which is heaven.

I would like to be a better leader because I love having the freedom to interpret music as I hear it!

 

Vanessa T.: I can’t describe this feeling exactly, because it depends with whom you are dancing. If you feel comfortable you have the same thing as with a man. If you have a good connection, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.  For me it’s a comfortable feeling, because I like to dance with women. For it’s fine both to lead or to follow. But when I lead I have to think a bit more about what could I do, which will be my next step. It’s more difficult than just following. But, for example, at KZL I really enjoyed a dance with one girl. We danced for about 30-40 minutes and it was like flying… I closed my eyes and was really enjoying the dance! It didn’t matter what kind of music there was, didn’t matter at this point.

The difference is, when you lead, you must think about it. My most important issue is the musicality. I like to hear and get inspired by the music rather than just steps and tricks to show how good I am. That’s why sometimes I prefer to dance as a man so I could lead instead of following. That’s the most important difference dancing with a man or a woman.

Actually I din’t decide to learn man’s steps, I was more pushed into it, because the ratio between men and women is mostly bad and a lot of women stand on the side. So, at one point I just tried with a friend of mine to adapt what I normally do as a woman-follower, during a kizomba dance. That’s how it started. And I improved more and more… At the beginning it was really  difficult, as I tried to do every step in time.

As you know by yourself, I really enjoy sometimes dancing more with a woman than with a map, but when I go to a party and I’m only a leader, it’s not really joyful for me, it’s kind of not satisfying me at all. It’s fine for a while but not for the whole while.  I’d like also to follow.

 

Jogaile B: The feeling dancing with a girl is a bit unusual – already due to the fact that women have different body structure, softer skin, sweeter perfumes.. As strange it sounds they are often leading much harder than men do. Also the sensual part is missing. So, for me doing the kizomba dance with a woman is technical and more fun than the sensual ‘connecting souls’ experience.

I used to learn to lead, because i was teaching, so i had to know how to breakdown the steps and moves also for the men part. However i never wanted to take over the leader function on parties because i enjoy that I don’t have to think which step to do next and can just relax and follow.

 

Tania V:   I don’t see a big difference between dancing with a girl or with a guy, especially during a kizomba dance, I have danced with many girls with better rhythm, better musicality, better style and more strong and clear leading then any guy. As for feeling and sensuality, I can feel deep connection with a girl too, both musical and physical because many times it comes from dancing style. Being bisexual, I can feel desire, I can feel horny, I can feel the same bouquet of sensations that you normally feel with a good dancer. The only difference I feel is size! Girls normally are smaller than guys and me I like to feel weak close to a big and strong guy dancer.

I would like to learn to know how it is to lead, dance and feel the girls dancing style.

 

Katia KS: Sometimes I like to dance with a girl. There are some girls who lead very well with good musicality and creativity. I can have really fun dancing with a girl.

The difference… hm… good question.. maybe connection. I do not get that good connection like with a man. Time to time yes, depends who is this and how good she is. But that deep connection where you understand your partner only by eye contact is less possible with a girl then with a man.

I can definitely lead some basics during a kizomba dance as a teacher (I give private classes time to time on my own). But the Kizomba dance for me is still a partner dance. Means a man and woman. That is why I prefer to have it classic and to be a woman-follower.

 

Macarena P:   Well, I won’t lie to you, the first times it was strange, because we are used to dance with men and when we start dancing with girls, we feel them so small, that we think we gonna break them into pieces! 😂😂
Then, when you get used to it and you start enjoying it, it feels so good!

I think that girls who lead, do it because they miss something in the dancing with men, and they find it dancing with girls. In my opinion, I love leading because it lets me take control over the dance and use my musicality and my creativity much more than dancing with men.

In addition, I feel that most of the girls-leaders are actually pretty good, and girls who dance with female leaders, always have a positive feedback afterwards. I think that the reason is that we focus 100% on the girl we are leading, since we don’t care about how we look like dancing as a man, we try to make a girl have a good time, using our musicality and having a soft but clear leading 🙂

If I would like to learn man’s steps? Ummm yes and no 😂. Maybe I’ll take some kizomba dance classes, but just to open my mind and have more variety on my steps and feel more confident in my leading, but I’m not interested at all in looking as a man dancing 😀😘

 

SO, HERE ARE THE STORIES. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK IN THE COMMENTS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dance friends: my kizomba co-pilot

Normally we come to kizomba world alone. But as the time passes by, we make acquaintances and dance friends and in the end we meet that one person who becomes our best kizz-friend. The one who shares all our nights out, trips, meals and secrets. We generally don’t trust anyone in kizomba, but we still open up to a minimum and stick to those ones, our Kizomba “bros”, “pots”, whatever you call them.

With my bestie it was a quick match. And this post is dedicated to her, because she is worth it.

We met at some kizomba party in Amsterdam over a couple of years ago. We had a brief conversation, and next week I was at her place picking her up for some kiz-event. I was upset and told her in 5 minutes all my life, full of tears and snot. We hugged, we had a drink and since then we were already dance friends. Today it’s her Birthday. And I publish this post to thank her for being always there for me. I thank her for supporting me in my downs, for never betraying my trust and for trusting me back. You will ask me: what does it have to do with the kizomba?

A lot. Imagine if you had no one to gossip about those bitches or those star-guys, if you had no one to open a bottle of (xxx) with and talk in bed long after a party is over? And to share petrol and accommodation costs?? (LOL). In fact, I’m used to my dance friend so much, and I’m happy she’s my companion for all my kizomba journeys, that recently I almost never accept co-sharing with anyone else. To me she’s my back in this kizomba turbulence. I’m lucky I got to know her one day.

Sometimes when I’m about to send it all to hell, she keeps me afloat. I feel safe and I keep on going  (meaning “keep on dancing“)… It’s important to have a good friend. But it’s even more important and, I would say, priceless to have one in Kizomba! Our friends from  the real world can hardly understand our passion for kizomba dance. This is a particular scene. Overflowing with emotions, we may speak different languages with people from outside it. They maybe obviously best friends ever, but they are not able to feel what makes our hearts beat so crazily.

I feel like I must present her to you anyway, as, most importantly, she is the one who gives me a hand with almost all my blog contents, the one to help me to edit most of my articles (not this one lol) checking my English and the one to advise if I should ever publish some of my crazy stuff at all.

Take care about your dance friends! And the real ones as well!! In my case she IS my real friend, not only on the dance-floor.

Mila

Now you know who my co-pilot is)

DANCE FOR IT – a movie about three kizomba dancing couples

  I would like to support the amazing project DANCE FOR IT, which is a movie about our favorite kizomba dancers´ lives, by publishing below my interview with its founder, Anna. I loved the trailer and contacted her to tell me in details what it is about and asking her how I could help to make it happen.

 

What is this project about?

“Dance for it” is a human story about 6 dancers – Albir and Carola, Ricardo and Paula, Paulo and Lanna. Each of them dances for different reason and has a very inspiring personal story. It’s about real life, love, sharing heritage with the world, fighting for dreams, making difficult choices, taking the challenge of being real. These are human stories that will resonate with all of us.

There will be two very special episodes. We want to follow Paulo and Lanna to their homeland, Angola, and meet their families. We will see them all together dancing, singing, laughing – it’s absolutely precious. I believe that to see it is important not only to understand better the personalities of Paulo and Lanna, but also to feel deeper Kizomba dance and its roots.

The other storyline is following Albir to Panama. He left for Madrid to study dancing when he was young. His family is in Panama and they are his heart. Everything we need to understand about Albir is there.

I believe that telling human stories is one of the best jobs in the world and I want to make a documentary which will inspire, empower, bring joy and hope.

What does DANCE FOR IT stand for?

In English language there is an expression “Go for it” which I understand as “be brave and pursue you dreams”. For the characters of my film dancing is the way to pursue their dreams, so I changed “go” to “dance”. For me it’s the perfect name.

How the idea was born?

In 2014 I started dancing Kizomba and went to my first Kizomba festival – it was DMAES in Porto, organized by Afrolatin Connection. That summer before this trip I graduated from the university (I studied documentary filmmaking) and quit my job which I didn’t love anymore. I felt pretty lost and didn’t really know what to do with my life. I was hoping that vacation in beautiful Portugal will help me find a new passion – and it happened. The idea for this film was the gift from the universe))

At the main party artists were performing and I saw for the first time how these 3 couples were dancing. I was fascinated how beautiful and inspiring they were. I still remember how Paulo and Lanna shared such a huge happiness during their show; Ricardo and Paula were looking at each other with so much love; and Albir and Carola hugged each other after the show and it felt like all the kindness of the world was in that hug. It’s a bit difficult to explain – that’s what I felt that night and feel till nowadays. They inspire me, they make me feel better – and I’m sure not only me. I want to share these beautiful feelings with everybody in my film “DANCE FOR IT”.

Why did you choose particularly these dancers?

I really didn’t choose anybody. It was love at the first sight – you never can explain why you fall in love with a particular person, you just feel it.

 

When does the Crowdfunding start?

It starts on May 22 (TODAY!) and will be live till the beginning of July. Although I’m asking everyone who wants to support this project to do it these days – the first 5 days of the campaign are crucially important! During this time you receive support from your family and friends (and I consider Kizomba community as a big dancing family) and later, when the DANCE FOR IT campaign gets viral and gets first success, people from the outside join and that’s how I can reach my funding goal.

 

How can we collaborate to it?

There are two best options: to donate and to share the campaign in your social media. If you have an idea of how we can cooperate in other ways, please contact me and I’ll be happy to discuss it.

LINK TO THE PROJECT:

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/dance-for-it-documentary/x/12446539#/

 

Link to the trailerAlbir

https://youtu.be/-RVnd8TQVPc

 

Is it time to take a break from kizomba?

Yesterday I got a question in my PM from one of my followers: “I´m very unhappy about some certain things in Kizomba going on, with all the money spent on it and all the tiredness. It was worth it in the beginning, but now I feel just so sad because of people´s behaviors. Going to festivals should make me happy, not make me sad like this. What do you suggest me to do? Should I take a break from kizomba?”

My first reaction was a smile on my face, as I have found myself in the same situation for the last several months as well. I was all the time telling everyone “I´m going to take a break from kizomba”, but still booking my next trip. Like fighting myself to stop it, but not having enough willpower to make it happen.  I rationally realize that any kind of addition must be controlled. I tried to dozen it, telling my family and friends that from now on I will attend only 1 festival every 3 months (obviously not considering local 1-night parties). But till now I have never kept my promise.

After reading yesterday´s email I was thinking what to reply to this person… and to myself.  I finally answered a few nice words, like “go with the flow” (which not that bad answer neither), but the question stuck in my head and unconsciously I was still looking for better explanations.

Today at work I’ve been listening to kizomba music with my headphones all day long… I suddenly realized that I was doing the same thing as over three years ago, when I just made my first steps – listening to kizomba all the time and everywhere.  I never got tired of this music. People were wondering how it is possible to listen to it 24-hours 7 days a week. My car, my bathroom, my iPhone & Soundcloud playlists, my get-together with friends… all around the way.

I still love it today. I’m not ready to quit. I can’t force myself. Maybe one day it will come… my burn out. But it will happen naturally. Not now. Not today. Let’s be honest to ourselves. Let’s listen to ourselves and follow our hearts, not our heads.

Everything finishes one day. I realize that this is just a period in my life. A beautiful period. I know it will end. That’s why now I enjoy it at maximum, I breathe deeply and relish it.  I’m trying to look for positive thing in it. What most helps me to continue in this dancing world is actually DANCING! It’s closing my eyes, trying to feel unknown energies, accept them, catching the same wave.

The more people I know, the more the kizomba scene becomes all about socializing, the more time I spend on conversations, drinking at pre-parties (which imperceptibly pass into parties, as they finish at 2-3 in the morning) rather that on the dance-floor. Yes, I enjoy hanging out with my “veterans”, gossiping, laughing and playing fool. But, I still miss the dance-floor a lot. And at 11:30 pm I start asking my friends: “Are we finally going out of this hotel room or what?  I want to dance!!!”  And they all reply: “Calm down! There’s nothing to do on the dance-floor yet. Relax and enjoy the moment”.

And I stay. But my thoughts fly away to that big dark room, full of slowly moving people. I get nervous and think to myself: “Next time I go to a festival alone, and, like a beginner, I´ll come to parties as early as possible in order not to miss any minute of it! Even if I must dance with beginners, I don´t care. At least I will listen to this magical music and savor the atmosphere”. In the end, that’s why I keep on going. And while I never have enough of dancing, I’ll be there. So, my dear followers, after all mentioned above, for sure I say, it’s not my time to take a break from kizomba, “See you on the dance floor!” =)

 

 

 

LoveHate in the kizomba world

Recently I´m so concentrated on the interviews, running after people who sometimes seem to be interested in the beginning, but in the end they ignore me like if I was asking them to have sex with me. I write my thoughts less and less. Especially it turns to be dangerous to open up myself in this small kizomba world, as most of you know who I am, and you talk behind my back, you criticize me, you gossip, etc… Moreover, you are asking yourself “why is she doing this?” Nobody pays me for my writing, true. It takes me my time and my energy, and it´s just a small part of my whole world, full of other hobbies, my family and my real work.

THE WHY

You know what? It’s my nature to express myself. I need to share my thoughts; I need to put them on paper. I have been writing since childhood. I started with small stories for literature Olympiads at school, and then continued with poems until I got a couple of poem books and finally put them all online. I started my first blog 12 years ago, when I moved to Madrid. I was writing about my life in Spain. Afterwards, I changed country again, and merged my blogs to make it a big European journey.

HOW I STARTED

When I got into kizomba world, this dance was the only thing I had in my head. I couldn´t write about anything else but dancing. So, I opened my Kizomba Blog to continue my natural thing… to keep on doing what I loved doing and what  I have been doing for years. It was not an attempt to approach famous kizomba DJs or artists. The blog is not my only way to get to know people.

Imagine, I have some articles in drafts, that have never been published, because I was scared to share my  thoughts, to be judged, to be ignored, laughed at. And now I think “What the hell? I will say what i think. There will always be people who will find themselves identified with me, who find it interesting, useful or at least curious”. And here I am. With my pain.

THE SCALE

The deeper I get into kizomba world, the wider is the range of my feelings. Let´s say, on a scale from 1 to 10, when I started, I was always at 4 to 7. I was at “4” when I didn´t dance much, or missed a nice party. However, that was not the end of the world. All those kizomba people meant nothing to me. They couldn´t upset me as much. When I was at “7”, I probably discovered a new track, which I was listening all the time in my house, my car, my office etc., or when I had that super connection-dance.

NOW

Now things are different. I know how it works. I know some people very well, or even too well. I have attitudes. Now I can really get very high or get very hurt, I can be at “0” when I´m betrayed or heartbroken, or be at “10” when I have great time with my kizomba family who became my real friends. Now all my emotions are strengthened by a hundredfold, because I fly high and it hurts badly. And, although I know all the scenarios I can´t help myself to stay cool, to avoid attachments and disappointments. I find this world amazing and frustrating at the same time. I love and hate the same people, the same events, and the same music. Right, that very music I enjoyed listening in my car while dreaming last month, that now brings me some bad memories…This is so crazy.

You know, what still surprises me the most and amazes me sometimes, is that the same people can be inadequately behaving with you. I guess depending on circumstances. Hhmm.. Or on their mood?… Like you spoke to them, had drinks with them, danced with them many times before, and then suddenly, at some next festival, they pass by without even saying “Hello”.  You just stay there and wonder, “Are they all right? Is it a kind of joke? Is it a play?” To me these are totally disrespectful, inhuman behaviors, and I’m still guessing “Have these “Stars” grown too fast?”

A FAVOUR

Please, people, even if you are famous dancers, teachers or Djs, whatever – STAY HUMAN, STAY KIND, STAY RESPECTFUL towards others. Don’t believe you are the Kings who rule the world. This is just a small kizomba world inside the Real WORLD, where sometimes you are nobody. So, please, have one dance when you are asked for a dance, reply to a message when you receive one, even if it’s a quick “I’m busy, will answer later” or a stupid emogji smile. Say “Hello” to someone you already greeted before. You can be the most talented person in the world but with a shitty personality you are worth nothing. You are worth nothing and your careers will go down.

You know why Jojo (#letsplaykizomba) became the most popular dance teacher in the kizomba world recentely?  I haven’t interviewed him yet (coming soon!!!!), but I’ll tell why he has in my opinion: he never refused me for a dance! I guess he does not like dancing with me. I don’t keep my balance right, and I make mistakes with him. However, as a hero, he dances his two dances if I ask. I appreciate it so much, and I admire him for his politeness. That’s why you will read my interview with him very soon J

Santa Barbara

It is that big kizomba festival, one of the best in Europe, where everyone goes, and where among the crowd you do not even meet your friends in 3 days, as there are too many people. But there´s always That Person you´ll see through the bunch of people, you will figure him/her out even if you are lost in an ocean, you will follow him by the smell, you´ll grow a third eye on the back of your head to watch him. That special person you want to dance with most, the one you were thinking about while getting ready for the weekend, the one you called and made sure he/she would come.

Now you are nervous, having your second mojito (caipirinia, wiski-cola, etc.) to relieve stress. He/she doesn´t pay attention to you, hardly said “hey” and all the time busy dancing with others… You take a deep breath and invite her/him for a dance. In two songs, he/she says “thank you” and disappears in the crowd again. You are upset, frustrated, trying to enjoy the party, getting distracted by the music, friends, etc.. But nothing works out for you. So,

Option 1: you get drunk and smoke outside complaining about the shitty weather, festival and life in general. The night is gone….

Option 2: you call your ex… During the night/social, you are high and distracted somehow. In the morning, you feel empty and sometimes regret what you did.

Option 3: you dance with someone else, unexpectedly you have an incredible connection in the dance and an interesting conversation afterwards, and your stomach is filled with butterflies again, you smile, you are excited, you feel the atmosphere, inspired for new improvisations. Everything around is magical. Then you realize – you switched and you MOVE ON! (Doesn’t happen every time, but in the kizomba world much more often than anywhere else in “normal” life)

Polygamy

On this scene people can fall in love 5 times a year, they can feel connections with several partners at the same time, they can be in love with all of them at the same time, or want all of them at the same time, or even have sex with some of them together at the same time!
I´ve heard many stories, which seem incredible, but have their right for existence. Threesomes, foursomes, in all possible combinations, mixed genders, nationalities, ages. Guys filming their sex experiences secretly (or even openly! with the agreement of a girl) and sending snapchats to their friends to show them what a nice ass they could fuck tonight. Sometimes there are more than one ¨movie¨ per night. Yeaa, this is not any news already for anyone. The most popular guys are able to get 5-6 different sex partners in one night, especially in festivals like Rovinj.

Girls do not lag behind

They are even more emancipated! They offer themselves! A normal dancer, not even a teacher or a taxi dancer or a famous artist from Paris, can receive several invitations per night (I mean invitations for sex, indicating the hotel room number). This is more common for Easten countries, where black men are very in demand, but also often found in Europe. Girls can also have several partners in one night, and they agree to do it in the same room with partner´s friends, and even invite his friends to join them in the act!

What I am trying to say is that they are no better than men.

Real talk when a girl from a small town makes thousands of kilometers in order to have sex with a famous kizomba artist or Dj. She would book a room and preview every little detail to make it easy and comfortable for him. She would wrap her around his neck and beg him to go with her to the room. Sounds incredible and humiliating, but it is so. People hungry for sex, insecure, with very low self-esteem, those who do not know how to control themselves, who have lost their last principles and dignity, ready for a minimum, picking up crumbs after dinner, donating their bodies, without self-respect, without thinking about the consequences.. I can enumerate indefinitely!!!

What is wrong with them? What is wrong with all us? Psychological traumas? Lack of love in childhood? What leads us to blurring our own boundaries? To the loss of the inner core? What causes us to lose ourselves?

Some are engaged in debauchery openly, they don´t care what people say. Others play games: beloved girlfriend and a number of mistresses behind her back. Very often you have conversations of two girlfriends, telling each other their love stories, and after a while finding out that they speak about the same man.

Moreover

The most interesting thing is that THEY ALL KNOW EACH OTHER! Moreover, they TALK! Don’t just do all above-mentioned things, but talk about them, discuss in little details, attaching photos and screenshots of conversations. That´s why this is a whole Santa Barbara thing. Even Santa Barbara is not in any comparison with Santa Kizomba! So, maybe the recently popular slogan “Raconte pas ta vie!!!” (“Don´t tell about your life”)  is the best advice ever and you should take it serious.

Pregnancies, tears, scandals, promises, break-ups, revenges, etc. – all this is part of our wonderful world called the Kizomba dance! Who said this is a fake world? I see nothing fake in it. It is a huge vibrating organism, a Family, particular one, but as real as everything else in this world where we live, suffer and rejoice, change and grow.  This is the most real thing I have ever experienced in my life, on all levels- physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual.

Addicted to kizomba

I’m a very curious and addicted person. I had a lot of hobbies in my life, starting with the topic ones like Musical School and Scout association, ending with Reiki and Astrology.   Although I really enjoy my favorite activities and I love all of them, nothing can be compared to dancing kizomba. I have never gone so crazy about something! Being the addicted type of person, I start things putting much energy in the beginning and then losing interest very quickly.. I have a long list of unfinished hobbies like that.

But Kizomba dance is special. It’s my DRUG…  It’s the thing I cannot live without right now. When I dance a lot, I feel great, I look great, I radiate happiness!  When the intensive moment is over I get sad, becoming a bit apathetic.. (post-festival syndrome).  Obviously, there are things in this world that make me happy as well, but they cannot substitute kizomba to me.

I remember very well my first months attending 1 hour lessons once a week, on Tuesdays. Tuesday was the D-Day of 2015! I waited for it all the remaining 6 days of the week, like a count down to the best moment of my existence. Every Tuesday morning I woke up in a wonderful mood!!! I was “flying” all day long, like there was something magical about to happen that day. All my friends knew that Tuesday is MY DAY. I think that the way I drove my car I could do even with closed eyes, even totally drunk or physically unable.  It’s been months since I dance and I still love it and I’m still addicted to it, still want it all the time and every minute of my life. I still consider it my best private moment, my meditation, one of my energy sources & good mood.

Right now I am just in the very moment of the doldrums. My summer trips, as it happened to me in spring after my European Kizz tours (Rotterdam/Amsterdam/Geneva/Brussels/ Luxembourg), has come to its end, and I feel a kind of empty… I’m coming back to my normal real life, trying to work hard, cope with my duties, enjoying sunny weather…..  but actually the only place I’d love to be is at some dance floor, rubbing calluses on little fingers, sweating, moving my body in unison with the music beat. Is this any kind of disease? Will this addition ever end?

The level of destruction from a normal life is coming to an extreme point. Addicted, I forget about really important issues, related to my family, work and health. Sometimes I get scared of myself for being so absorbed by the dance, so involved in it, letting it so much space in my heart.  When I go home on holidays to visit my parents, that I haven´t seen for 2 years, the only thing I think about is to dance kizomba over there, to find a nice store of dancing shoes (they are life 2-3 times cheaper in Russia) and to write a new post about my Russian kizz-experience. I´m no longer interested in Irish pubs with my old beer-friends. Even though I try to control myself, my life has definitely changed since this amazing dance knocked at my door…

Introduction to my mind

brainI’ve decided to share my thoughts and feelings on something I really love doing, on my biggest passion, a must part of my life, my meditation – on KIZOMBA DANCE. When I discovered it,  over a year ago, I have gotten a second breath,  I realized that was a start of a new chapter in my life.

For an emotional girl like me, who has too much energy, who rushes to live, rushes to feel –  this dance is a perfect exercise to learn how to do all of these things. It’s all about learning to concentrate, to relax, to enjoy yourself, to develop your feel for music, and first of all – to live in the moment!   There’s no past, no future, no time at all when I dance. Time doesn’t exist.   Fore some people, a moment like this happens while taking a shower, for others when they swim, or paint, or read an interesting book. For me it’s when I dance.

Since I started, I’m totally addicted to it. It’s my best drug. In this blog (which is already the third blog I have) I’m going to write everything I know about the dancing world, I will publish interviews with kizomba dancers & teachers, sharing their dancing experience, how they’ve come to KZ, how they feel about it, why they keep doing it, how they combine it with their ¨real¨ lives.

I’m a writer since I was 11. I have a couple of poem books and a long blogger history. This is my first blog in English, because I want you all to be able to understand me, in every little part of the world where kizomba is played and danced, to feel yourselves identified, to comment my articles, open discussions, suggest new topics and recall your sad and funny stories.

This dance is so popular now, it’s evolving so quickly, spreading all over the world, it’s taking different styles and concepts. Sometimes for beginners it’s difficult to understand which movement is correct, what teaching or technics are true. There are too many countries & islands involved, too many opinions, directions,  improvisations, a great mix of ages and sizes, searching for joy, fun & pleasure in the kizomba dance.

Let us all together solve this puzzle! I hope you will enjoy my writing and I hope you to become my active & pro-active readers and followers:)