Sex in kizomba. Don’t we have enough?

Sex in kizomba or… harassment

In the light of the last days discussions about the harassment in kizomba I’ve been wondering why someone would rape a girl when it’s so easy to get one? The information on Facebook is in French, and many people want to know what exactly happened this weekend at Dancar Kizomba Festival, but those who don’t speak French cannot be translating every post and comment. This is not to re-tell you the last case! This is to generalize and make my own conclusions. In short.  I’m sure some of you have been in that situation of abuse. We just don’t talk about it. It’s so easy to get sex in kizomba like nowhere else, and yet, cases like in Mons still happen.

There have been so many opinions on this topic that, frankly speaking, it made me sick. But I’m glad that the discussions are opened. I’ve heard more stories before, with names and in every detail. The stories that didn’t show up publicly in Social Media.

I don’t take anyone’s side here!

Although I am a woman, and once upon a time I was raped too. So, I know very well what is the feeling… The emotional obviously much worse than the physical one. But nevertheless each case is different.  Probably in the next days more cases will pop up, will be brought to the surface and this is really good! This will make us think it over – both men and women.


Maybe from now on will be more careful and will control their actions because of the fear to loose reputation. As you see, girls can be brave and go public, and even to the Police. So, next time some famous artist decides to have sex in kizomba without taking into consideration girl’s wishes, he will think it twice before forcing her. Because women are not peace of meat. You cannot just take her whenever and however.

Maybe next time, on the view of the mentioned above scandals, it will be more expensive for him to get into shit just because he’s lazy to find the right approach to a girl, so she would open up herself.


Maybe next time you are invited to a hotel room of an unknown person you will think twice before saying “yes”, because now you know what can happen. Maybe you will be more discrete in the way you talk and the way you dress up (that also helps). I’m not saying I’m a nun here. I like sexy short dresses and red lips too. But sometimes I observe some girls and I get shocked how they present themselves. Almost naked. And their behaviors sometimes are embarrassing… But they don’t see it. They don’t see an non-verbal sign on their fronts “Take me!”.

Ladies, please look at yourself in the mirror before you leave your place, and before you get drunk. Ask yourself:  “Is it too provocative? Is it this the body message I want to send out? Does it match with the way I feel and the way I think? And with what I’m looking for?” m

Me, myself and I still have a room for improvement, but at least I’m conscious about that.

I have a post about pre-parties and after-parties in kizomba. Read it again, learn what the after-party is usually about. If you are not ready for more, just be careful to avoid uncomfortable or even dangerous situations.

PS: And, yes, men, no matter the way a woman dresses up, or behaves, or no matter how much she is drunk, or timid, or how much she likes you, if she is not ready to have sex with you, this is NO. Find the way her to say “yes”, a decent way. The tricks like “I know you want it too” are so cheap and asshole-minded! Don’t you have enough girls who are so hung on your neck and offer themselves? And even those you want to fuck and they will never refuse you? This becomes absolute lawlessness and degradation.

Watch out!

Let’s have sex in kizomba, not harassment!

It’s healthier, it’s fun. And it doesn’t spoil the reputation of the dance itself.

We are here to enjoy ourselves. Mutually.


One thought on “Sex in kizomba. Don’t we have enough?

  1. And their behaviors sometimes are embarrassing”… Are you seriusly slut-shaming here? And you underlining that they had it coming? How were YOU dressed you when you got raped?

    Lady, you are part of the problem. And your P.S. points it out you are aware but just don’t know how to change. So, my sister, I’m here to take your hand and say that I understand and love you either way. That we have been thaught for so long in the ways of misoginy that it is hard to break through. But please, please, educate yourself. We are the ones that have the NEED to change. Men will be the same if we let them.

    So call out the names of the perpetrators so they don’t go unknown (because, really, why do they get to have their identities preserved when they themselves don’t give a damm about women’s intimacy?). call out your MALE friends that allowed this behaviour to go unchecked, because we need the help of good men to make that change. Call out (like I am) your FEMALE friends that think deep down that if we did something different we would stop this kind of behaviour, because criminals are criminals, rapists are rapists and if they didn’t do it to you, they will with someone else.

    Wishing you all the best at your recovery;

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