Socializing in Kizomba and Media life. Part 1

Part 1. Social Media Life

socializing in kizomba1

This subject is interesting to study, but frankly speaking I have no time for that. I will share only my own experience and my thoughts. Socializing in kizomba is a hot topic and a hot activity. One of 3 main ones (will you guess the other two, by the way? :))

Restricted

Since I got into the dance scene I started adding a lot of new “dancing friends” into my Facebook list.  My other “normal” friends were a bit shocked by how colorful my FB page was becoming… Literally colorful, I should say! And asking me questions trying to understand my new exotic hobby. Because it IS exotic. Now I have half of Africa and Caribbeans in my Social Media. Even more black then white.

Sometimes people ask me “Why “BLackkizomba.com”? And I reply “But look at the dance floor! That’s why!”

Therefore, to avoid unnecessary explanations to my relatives I realized I had to set some restrictions in my account. I created a closed group “Kizomba” and now all my dancing contacts, activities, likes, tags, photos, etc.. remain private. No more questions from my mom: “Are you in Paris with 5 black man???” (lol). Although we live an the 21st century, we travel abroad, we are open-minded, but still…

My FB and Instagram accounts

Also, I hided my general friends’ list that no one could see it and no one could know how many friends in total I have. That was the best thing I’ve ever done in Social Media. It’s not possible to do the same thing in Instagram. That’s why I simply have two accounts – my personal one and professional – “Kizomba Blog”. The second one is opened. Anyone can follow me. And my dancing life. The personal one is only for my real friends, or at least for people I know well, or people whom I give a chance to get to know me better. But I never, NEVER, accept anyone I do not know personally neither in my Facebook nor in my Instagram accounts.

Yes, I want to spread a word about my blog, I want to make it the most popular Kizomba Blog in the world! (my blog is just an example, for you it could be your teaching or your DJ label). But I still separate my socializing in kizomba with my private photos, news and events. I can seem very open, talkative and easy-going, but not to the point of absolutely loosing control. Although I can tell you almost all my life in the first 5 minutes we get to know each other, and my honesty and openness may result shocking and scaring… But I’m still being pretty careful online.

Unfollowed

There is something else I did. I unfollowed in Facebook almost everyone. I am so tired of endless advertisements and demos, and being tagged on every publication hundred of times, especially of the same event! I’m sure it happens to you too. It’s annoying. And it’s boring to see the same Lady Styling videos that don’t differ one from another at all. The music and decorations change, but it’s always the same bunda moving in the same directions. Even if it’s the most beautiful and sexy bunda in the world, it’s still all about the same.. And when you watch it for 3 years every few days, believe me, you get tired of it.

I apologize in advance for my opinion, considering it’s a kind of Art anyway, and maybe a hard work and an effort. It’s always appreciated when people are brave enough to express themselves through writing, dancing, painting or whatever form of art they prefer.

I also understand that Facebook is a very important strategical promotional tool, which cannot be ignored if you are trying to gain audience. I use it as well for promoting my blog.

Advice:

And still, I would advise you, guys, to try to be a bit more creative!  I would post less videos, but making them as much particular as possible. Otherwise my eyes hurt. I don’t see the point of sharing every  single dance from every festival just to gain some more scores. I think you might have an opposite effect and repel people from yourself instead of attracting attention. They will unfollow you too if you convert their FB-wall into a rubbish bit. So, please, think twice, better three times, before you post one more video and tag 100 people on it.

PS: I do it with my posts)))  and, let’s be honest, it’s like a non-verbal game. If I support someone’s event, they would support (like, share, re-post) mine. Business, in one word. So, I don’t actually know if they really sincerely like my writing or put their “likes” just to tag me on their next publication and get my “like” and comments in return. 

Blocked

At the moment the overall situation is 80/20, meaning about 80% belong to my Kizomba friends and the rest 20% are my “normal” ones, which clearly demonstrates and proves how important this dance became in my life.

Nevertheless, some people enter, but some also leave… my accounts. They leave themselves or I kick them out. As in real socializing in kizomba we get attached, get emotional and vulnerable, as soon as it goes wrong (arguments, etc…), the first thing to do is to block this person in Facebook and unfollow him in Instagram. This is funny, because we still see each other on the dance floor. So, you will ask me “Why to block then?” In fact we cannot totally disappear from each other’s lives. Unless we stop dancing at all.

Well, the reasons can be that stupid like “he won’t know to which festival I’m going to” or “he won’t be able to text me (reach me) any more whenever he wants”. Actually, he won’t know many things. Because in Facebook it’s very easy to understand our preferences. It’s an incredibly (although not-trusted) database, from where you can jump into all kinds of conclusions. If you have good observation skills, you can chase some tendencies.

For example

I had a friend, who “liked” every photo of a new girl he was interested in. It lasted just the period he was having an affair with her. As soon as he got over-saturated by her, he stopped “liking” anything on her page. So, we could always know who is occupying his thoughts and his bed at the moment. That simple.

The same happens with girls who support by sharing and “liking” every festival of the organizer she sleeps with (or her official Boyfriend), or every new track of a DJ she sleeps with. And all this strong promotion campaign finishes when they break up. Thus you can already suspect they are not together any more just being a bit more attentive on Facebook. Or vice versa.

In my personal case I had both experiences: I blocked, and I was blocked. I did it when I was very angry with someone, but I always regretted it afterwards. And once even added back jaja, when my anger was over. It’s not in my nature to be that tough. Those who blocked me it’s because I pissed them off. And I know why. I understand them, but I believe and really hope I’m still in their hearts.

A favor

Dear followers, I would like to ask you a favor: sometimes you read my articles and get curious about me, finding my social media accounts and sending me your friend’s requests. Please don’t! I am really sorry, but until we meet in person I cannot accept your requests.

Dear “friends”, please don’t be surprised when I directly delete you from my Facebook. It’s definitely because in the last 10 times that we met you didn’t even say “hello” to me. So, I find it logical. My Facebook platform is for those with who I communicate at least somehow in my real life.

Dear real Friends, please don’t get mad at me if I delete or block you. It’s the love-hate thing, most probably because I’m too indifferent towards you.

 

Socializing in kizomba. Networking. Part 2

To be continued…

 

 

Sex in kizomba. Don’t we have enough?

Sex in kizomba or… harassment

In the light of the last days discussions about the harassment in kizomba I’ve been wondering why someone would rape a girl when it’s so easy to get one? The information on Facebook is in French, and many people want to know what exactly happened this weekend at Dancar Kizomba Festival, but those who don’t speak French cannot be translating every post and comment. This is not to re-tell you the last case! This is to generalize and make my own conclusions. In short.  I’m sure some of you have been in that situation of abuse. We just don’t talk about it. It’s so easy to get sex in kizomba like nowhere else, and yet, cases like in Mons still happen.

There have been so many opinions on this topic that, frankly speaking, it made me sick. But I’m glad that the discussions are opened. I’ve heard more stories before, with names and in every detail. The stories that didn’t show up publicly in Social Media.

I don’t take anyone’s side here!

Although I am a woman, and once upon a time I was raped too. So, I know very well what is the feeling… The emotional obviously much worse than the physical one. But nevertheless each case is different.  Probably in the next days more cases will pop up, will be brought to the surface and this is really good! This will make us think it over – both men and women.

Men:

Maybe from now on will be more careful and will control their actions because of the fear to loose reputation. As you see, girls can be brave and go public, and even to the Police. So, next time some famous artist decides to have sex in kizomba without taking into consideration girl’s wishes, he will think it twice before forcing her. Because women are not peace of meat. You cannot just take her whenever and however.

Maybe next time, on the view of the mentioned above scandals, it will be more expensive for him to get into shit just because he’s lazy to find the right approach to a girl, so she would open up herself.

Ladies:

Maybe next time you are invited to a hotel room of an unknown person you will think twice before saying “yes”, because now you know what can happen. Maybe you will be more discrete in the way you talk and the way you dress up (that also helps). I’m not saying I’m a nun here. I like sexy short dresses and red lips too. But sometimes I observe some girls and I get shocked how they present themselves. Almost naked. And their behaviors sometimes are embarrassing… But they don’t see it. They don’t see an non-verbal sign on their fronts “Take me!”.

Ladies, please look at yourself in the mirror before you leave your place, and before you get drunk. Ask yourself:  “Is it too provocative? Is it this the body message I want to send out? Does it match with the way I feel and the way I think? And with what I’m looking for?” m

Me, myself and I still have a room for improvement, but at least I’m conscious about that.

I have a post about pre-parties and after-parties in kizomba. Read it again, learn what the after-party is usually about. If you are not ready for more, just be careful to avoid uncomfortable or even dangerous situations.

PS: And, yes, men, no matter the way a woman dresses up, or behaves, or no matter how much she is drunk, or timid, or how much she likes you, if she is not ready to have sex with you, this is NO. Find the way her to say “yes”, a decent way. The tricks like “I know you want it too” are so cheap and asshole-minded! Don’t you have enough girls who are so hung on your neck and offer themselves? And even those you want to fuck and they will never refuse you? This becomes absolute lawlessness and degradation.

Watch out!

Let’s have sex in kizomba, not harassment!

It’s healthier, it’s fun. And it doesn’t spoil the reputation of the dance itself.

We are here to enjoy ourselves. Mutually.

 

Kizomba Local Parties or Dancing Where You Live

I won’t be the only one to say that dancing kizomba in the country I live in is not so much fun. At least in Europe. There’s a tendency not to dance with people from your own country. Our local guys hardly ever invite us for a regular dance, let alone Kizomba. Yes, of course they do dance, but mostly with girls who don’t travel that much around the world for international festivals and Kizomba parties. Let’s say, with “not spoiled”-by-high-level-dancers girls. Here they can manifest themselves in full glory, like lions – the kings of beasts.

I actually don’t find a good explanation to that, but according to my observation and the general statistics you never dance as well and as good in your own country (city) as somewhere else. In my case, comparing with other places in Europe, we have a good level. I should be lucky! LOL. But, to tell the truth, I dance well here only when we have guests from outside (I mean, when we invite some taxi dancers from abroad). Otherwise it just makes no sense to go out. I would be able to stay all night with shisha to somehow entertain myself to not fall asleep.

I’ve heard the same story many times from my friends from Berlin, Amsterdam and Paris. Yes, Paris is the same. Although it’s so big, powerful and diverse, men in Paris don’t like dancing with Parisian girls. They prefer foreigners. So, if you ever think moving to Paris hoping that you will endlessly dance there, please don’t!!! You won’t. You will become “local” and they will get bored and lose their interest inviting you all the time. Less people you know – more dancers and enjoyment you have! Go as far as possible, and not often. Control the frequency. This is the secret of ensuring yourself a non-stop Kizomba party.

In my country not-dancing is not the only issue. They also don’t greet you! I mean what I say: they don’t say “Hello”. Only if they bump into you, step into your feet, then they have no choice. Otherwise most of the times they ignore you. Even if one day you were learning to dance together, in the same class, standing in the same line, making our first basic steps.

In the end, you don’t care.

The last local Kizomba party, I went to, was a lost of time for me. Among other things, like no air-conditioning at +30 C, because of the attitude. The attitude of its organizers: cold, indifferent, selfish and arrogant. I think an organizer must treat people who come to his party the same way he invites guests to his house. Everybody! Not only those he has personal preferences to. And obviously he must be there, dancing and making sure everyone is dancing & having good time, instead of sitting in the VIP zone or dressing room, drinking champagne with his bros. Be there! Out!! Invite people who made their way and spent their money to dance Kizomba. Treat them equally with respect and gratitude.

I would have never written this post if it was a one-time case (it happens, a bad night). But it’s been like that for a long time. And I am fully supported by my girlfriends, who feel the same way I do and who absolutely agree with me.

If you are my follower, you know that I try to be always positive and write only about nice things. But sometimes I think it’s also important to share with you my frustration, to be completely honest. This will not change the situation in my country or anywhere else, and especially will not improve the local Kizomba dancers’ attitude towards me jajaja.  But it’s all about expressing myself and telling you things, that many of you know but don’t say it out loud. That’s what makes difference in my blog: purely honest independent content.