Recently I´m so concentrated on the interviews, running after people who sometimes seem to be interested in the beginning, but in the end they ignore me like if I was asking them to have sex with me. I write my thoughts less and less. Especially it turns to be dangerous to open up yourself in this small kizomba world, as most of you know who I am, and you talk behind my back, you criticize me, you gossip, etc… Moreover, you are asking yourself “why is she doing this?” Nobody pays me for my writing, true. It takes me my time and my energy, and it´s just a small part of my whole world, full of other hobbies, my family and my real work.
You know what? It’s my nature to express myself. I need to share my thoughts; I need to put them on paper. I have been writing since childhood. I started with small stories for literature Olympiads at school, and then continued with poems until I got a couple of poem books and finally put them all online. I started my first blog 12 years ago, when I moved to Madrid. I was writing about my life in Spain. Afterwards, I changed country again, and merged my blogs to make it a big European journey.
When I got into kizomba, this dance was the only thing I had in my head. I couldn´t write about anything else but dancing. So, opening Kizomba Blog was just to continue naturally my thing… to keep on doing what I loved doing and what I have been doing all my life. It was not a chance to approach famous kizomba artists or Djs (I know them anyway, and the blog is not my only way or “skill” to get to know people).
Imagine, I have some articles in drafts, that have never been published, because I was scared to share my thoughts, to be judged, to be ignored, laughed at. And now I think “What the hell? I will say what i think. There will always be people who will find themselves identified with me, who find it interesting, useful or at least curious”. And here I am. With my pain:
The deeper I get into kizomba, the wider is the range of my feelings. Let´s say, on a scale from 1 to 10, when I started, I was always at 4 to 7. I was at “4” when I didn´t dance much, or missed a nice party. However, that was not the end of the world. All those kizomba people meant nothing to me. They couldn´t upset me as much. When I was at “7”, I probably discovered a new track, which I was listening all the time in my house, my car, my office etc., or when I had that super connection-dance.
Now things are different. I know how it works. I know some people very well, or even too well. I have attitudes. Now I can really get very high or get very hurt, I can be at “0” when I´m betrayed or heartbroken, or be at “10” when I have great time with my kizomba family who became my real friends. Now all my emotions are strengthened by a hundredfold, because I fly high and it hurts badly. And, although I know all the scenarios I can´t help myself to stay cool, to avoid attachments and disappointments. I find this world amazing and frustrating at the same time. I love and hate the same people, the same events, and the same music. Right, that very music I enjoyed listening in my car while dreaming last month, that now brings me some bad memories…This is so crazy.
You know, what still surprises me the most and amazes me sometimes, is that the same people can be inadequately behaving with you. I guess depending on circumstances. Hhmm.. Or on their mood?… Like you spoke to them, had drinks with them, danced with them many times before, and then suddenly, at some next festival, they pass by without even saying “Hello”. You just stay there and wonder, “Are they all right? Is it a kind of joke? Is it a play?” To me these are totally disrespectful, inhuman behaviors, and I’m still guessing “Have these “Stars” grown too fast?”
Please, people, even if you are famous dancers, teachers or Djs, whatever – STAY HUMAN, STAY KIND, STAY RESPECTFUL towards others. Don’t believe you are the Kings who rule the world. This is just a small world inside the Real WORLD, where sometimes you are nobody. So, please, have one dance when you are asked for a dance, reply to a message when you receive one, even if it’s a quick “I’m busy, will answer later” or a stupid emogji smile. Say “Hello” to someone you already greeted before. You can be the most talented person in the world but with a shitty personality you are worth nothing. You are worth nothing and your careers will go down.
You know why Jojo (#letsplaykizomba) became the most popular Kizomba teacher in the last months? I haven’t interviewed him yet (coming soon!!!!), but I’ll tell why he has in my opinion: he never refused me for a dance! I guess he does not like dancing with me. I don’t keep my balance right, and I make mistakes with him. However, as a hero, he dances his two dances if I ask. I appreciate it so much, and I admire him for his politeness. That’s why you will read my interview with him very soon J